The concept of clinginess is a bit hard to define. Some people see clinginess differently; others may see it as an act of care and vice versa. In general terms, clinginess is the anxious attachment one feels towards another and their resulting actions. They desire to be with and receive attention from their partner to feel secure and are overtly emotionally needy.
Attachment can be good or bad, but there is a more negative aspect of attachment: clinginess. A clingy partner may always want to talk right away or expects an immediate response to a message. The clingy person’s partner may feel like he can’t seem to take a break from being in contact and have healthy boundaries. If they do go for a while without communicating, their partner may think the worst, like they’re possibly cheating or something terrible happened to them.
Depression can be a cause of clinginess. A person may feel fear of abandonment, and it may lead to a negative impact on life. What do you assume about being a clingy person? If you or your partner is clingy and suffering from depression, you will be welcome to read this article. Here, we are providing 34 useful ways to overcome clinginess and associated depression.
Bring yourself under the spotlight
1. Admit yourself
If you’re still in denial about your clinginess and reading this through a veil of skepticism, you’re never going to improve the situation, and your relationship will suffer.
The first step is to accept that you’re clingy and that it’s a problem. Once you’ve processed that information, you’ll be in a position to take steps to change your behavior.
2. Put yourself first
When all we can think about is the object of our affections, we often, unconsciously, put their needs ahead of ours. We stop doing things that we genuinely want to do because we’re so desperate to spend time with our lovers.
We don’t have the guts to tell the other person what we need from them, perhaps out of fear that they’ll say no.
I’m not saying the universe should revolve around you, but I am saying that your universe shouldn’t revolve entirely around the other person. Ensure that you’re not sacrificing your own needs for theirs, as in the long run that will only cause resentment on your side and overwhelm on theirs.
3. Pursue your interests
Clinginess can often become a problem for those whose lives center solely on their partner. It’s essential to prioritize your own goals and interests. Not only do these give you something to focus your attention on, but they also provide a healthy outlet for your energy.
Instead of focusing too much on your partner, try turning it more towards something constructive. This will give your significant other a little breathing room while still maintaining a balanced relationship.
4. Know your worth
The problem is that you don’t feel like you are being appreciated in the relationship. This is time; you need to realize that you are worthy of love and attention. It is quite normal to struggle with your self-worth while in a relationship. Don’t try to act being clingy and dependent on your partner for the sake of your demands. It will kill your relation.
Even with all the efforts, if you still like there is a basis for your feelings, it is best to talk to your partner about it. Love and affection should not be demanded, but it should be given freely.
5. Spend time with family
Please don’t be one of them who forget their family and friends when they started a relationship. Your partner is a significant part of your life, but he/she is not the whole of your life.
Try to spend time with people who have been with you through everything. They are a healthy source of your support when you go through any difficult situation.
Spending time with your family and friends helps you to reduce depression and helps you overcoming clinginess.
6. Build up confidence
Some people are clingy, emotionally, and physically because they don’t see their self-worth. They suffer from relationship anxiety and are convinced that their partner could up and leave at any minute.
Do things to boost your self-confidence—practice self-care, whether that’s beautifying yourself on the outside or improving your mind.
7. Build up self-esteem
While it may seem challenging at first, it’s time to recognize that you’re able to accomplish things on your own without anyone by your side. In many cases, being clingy stems from a misconception that you need others around at all times for help and support. However, you’ll soon recognize that you’re able to have achievements on your own and that it’s okay to spend time alone and do things without relying on others.
You may even grow to enjoy these moments by yourself and complete tasks and projects on your own. If you improve your confidence, self-esteem, and ability to be more self-sufficient, you’ll naturally be less clingy and needy.
8. Call your friends
Have you ever had a friend ditch you for a relationship? Do you remember how bad that feels? Don’t be that person.
Consciously nurture the important friendships in your life and set aside time to dedicate to them, just as you do with your partner. Encourage your partner to do the same.
9. Develop social networking
Often, clinginess can derive from too much of one thing. If you feel like your significant other is the only person you see anymore, it might be a sign that you need to diversify your social scene. Whether it’s going out with friends, joining a book club, or just paying your parents a visit, getting out there and talking to other people can help steer you away from clingy behavior.
10. Keep busy
If you’re prone to being clingy, then having a lot of time on your hands will only make the problem worse, especially if your partner is a lot busier than you are.
If you’re currently plan-free most nights a week and they’ve got a packed social calendar, it’s time to get busy.
Make sure you’ve got plans at least three evenings a week, so you physically don’t have the time to sit around missing them or to text them always.
11. Build independence
Love does not mean you and your partner need to be attached at the hip. For many couples, too much closeness can put a strain on the relationship. While sharing thoughts, feelings, space, whatever is useful in any relationship, too much sharing can make your significant other feel trapped. No one wants to suffocate in a relationship. It’s best to give your partner the space he or she needs. That way, your partner is less likely to associate your relationship with negative feelings, making the relationship stronger in the long run.
Find your areas of interest that you can enjoy solo as this will make you more independent and more exciting and engaging as a result.
12. Practice emotional mindfulness
Rather than acting on what you think you need, sit down and write about the feelings you’re having. Are you afraid of being alone? What’s it like to focus on that without trying to flee it by seeking contact? Instead of trying to get rid of the feeling, try to understand it. Not only does that make it easier for you to recognize and express your needs more clearly, but it also teaches you how to tolerate them.
If you recognize that fear is the problem, not loneliness or a desire for contact, you can escape the neediness’s suffocating grasp by using stress management skills. Go for a run, meditate, do diaphragmatic breathing; all of these will reduce your anxiety, along with your impulse to act out of neediness.
14. Enhance emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to make emotions work for you instead of against you.”
While clingy lovers tend to be aware of their emotions, they often struggle to manage their feelings in a way that achieves their goal of closeness and emotional connection. Not to mention clingy lovers struggling to manage their relationship in a way to get the most out of their connection.
Improving the two pillars of emotional intelligence, self-management, and relationship-management can greatly increase your security relationship.
15. Improve self-compassion and self-care
Clingy lovers tend to internalize criticism from others and talk to themselves in the same way. I used to beat myself up ruthlessly. But beating yourself up is never a fair fight. That’s why practicing self-compassion will help improve your self-worth. Then, this improves how you express your emotions and honor your needs.
16. Build a stable base of attachment
Use imagery to see yourself in a secure relationship, whether with your current, previous, or possible future partner. Instead of imagining the worst, try imagining the best in your romantic relationships.
Enhancing flexibility to avoid clinginess
17. Respect boundaries
Some people love constant contact in the form of hugs, kisses, and caresses, but some people don’t.
Suppose your partner has told you, or their body language has made it clear that they’re not comfortable with the amount of physical affection you bestow on them. In that case, it’s important to be more aware of your behavior and respect their boundaries.
Remember, just because they aren’t as tactile as you doesn’t mean they love you any less – they have a different way of showing it.
18. Work on trust issues
For some people, clinginess is based on a lack of trust. Think about where those trust issues have come from and what you can do to fix them or improve them.
While a partner who you can rely on is a wonderful help for overcoming these issues, you’re the one that has to do the work, not them.
19. Manage anxiety
If you’re prone to anxiety or nerves, it can be easy to turn to your partner as a way to ease that discomfort. However, this can make your partner feel too responsible for your happiness and be an inconstant way to manage your feelings. Instead, try turning that anxiety into something positive and consistent, such as a daily ritual or activity.
Only doing habitual tasks can ease anxious feelings and leave you with more positive energy to put into the relationship. If you find yourself chronically anxious or with feelings that cannot be managed efficiently, speak to a doctor.
20. Put down phone
The fact is, it’s far easier to be clingy these days. In the past, we couldn’t physically be in constant contact with one another. We’d say goodbye in the morning and come back together at night, full of stories of the day to share.
We’d have to rely on phone calls from a landline or even wait for a letter. So we just had to get on with life and not spend our time worrying. Unfortunately, the advent of text messages and Whatsapp with those traitorous blue ticks has sent clinginess levels through the roof.
Just because we can contact all day, every day doesn’t mean we should be. And we definitely shouldn’t be wasting our time worrying when we don’t receive a speedy reply, or the tone of the reply sounds wrong.
Set rules for yourself that help you keep the time you spend on your phone to a minimum and your stress levels should decrease along with your screen time.
21. Stop being jealous
It’s not uncommon for people to behave in a clingy and needy way because they’re jealous or worried about their partner’s loyalty or possible infidelity. For example, you may insist on texting your partner throughout the day because you’re worried about his or her relationship with a cute coworker. Or you may want to hang out with your partner 24/7 because you don’t trust their behavior in your absence.
However, being envious and mistrusting is only going to push the two of you farther apart. Since relationships are based on mutual trust, your clingy nature shows your partner that you don’t believe or have faith in him or her or the strength of your connection. On the other hand, if you choose to trust your partner and work through these jealous feelings and emotions, you’ll be far less clingy, and your relationship is far more likely to succeed.
22. Stop snooping to avoid clinginess
It isn’t easy to establish definite boundaries when it comes to social media. It feels like basically chartered territory. But snooping is a violation of privacy and destroys the trust your partner has given you.
It is suggested to get rid of this habit that triggers poison for your relationship.
23. Learn to be okay being alone
Are you in a relationship just because you are feeling lonely?
A lot of people settle for bad relationships because they are deep depth scared of being alone. You might not feel comfortable when you don’t have someone with you.
But learning how to be okay with being alone is something that you need to know if you want to achieve happiness in life.
24. Avoid excessively demanding messages
Getting a lot of messages from your partner is fine, but the content of those messages is what matters most. If you are getting an overload of messages demanding whereabouts and making accusations, this is unhealthy for your relationship. It is essential to explain to your partner that you do not owe them information. This will open the conversation to setting boundaries and hopefully resolve the underlying insecurities causing the behavior.
25. Don’t speed up your relationship
Talk to your partner about moving too quickly if they’re pressuring you to take significant steps in your relationship, like saying “I love you” before you’re ready. While ideally, you want to grow together, it’s essential to be on the same page in terms of the amount of time and attention you can give to one another. If you feel your partner is moving too quickly, you should be honest about your comfortability.
To open the conversation, ask them what their current expectations are in the relationship. And make sure you’re honest about your expectations as well. Setting boundaries for the pace you would like to take will improve your relationship confidence and relieve any pressure to move faster.
26. Learn to find balance
This is the most step and the hardest one too. It would help if you found the balance between having your security in yourself and your partner.
Trust is hard to give. When you trust yourself and your place in your relationship, letting go of control can be a whole lot easier.
27. Be predictable
A stable relationship is good but also predictable and boring. No matter how hot and heavy you start off, you will eventually cool off and fall into the rut of normalcy in relationships. You get used to each other and can predict each other’s actions.
28. Talk about it
If you’ve recognized that you’re too clingy, chances are your partner is well aware of it. Pick a good time when you’re both well-fed and well-rested, with clear minds, to discuss where you think your neediness comes from and how you’re planning to work on it and overcome it.
Letting him or her knows that you’re willing to work on the problem together lets your partner know that you care about them and their comfort in the relationship. If you work on things together, it’s more likely that you’ll be able to solve the problem at hand and become less clingy in a way that ends up strengthening your relationship.
Give Insight in overcoming clinginess
29. Check-in body language
We often use body language to communicate affection, such as holding hands or adopting an open posture around those we care about. However, body language can also be a warning sign. Clinginess can be physical, just as much as it can be emotional and psychological.
If you continuously need to touch your partner, even reassuring that they’re still there, it can be problematic. Some people may feel physically held back or reserved if they are touched too much, so make sure you’re respecting your partner’s boundaries.
30. Make loved ones feel special without being clingy
Men have a built-in desire for something that goes beyond love or sex. Men have a biological drive to feel essential to the woman in his life. This drive forces men to provide for and protect women.
In general, women may not need a hero, and men still do not want to feel like one. It is essential to understand what the hero instinct is all about and how to use it to their advantage.
31. Let go of controlling tendencies
Like it or not, you cannot control everything about your relationship and your partner’s life. If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. And if they don’t, there’s nothing you can do otherwise. Again, what you can control is your reaction to the situation.
32. Show empathy to avoid clinginess
Compromise where you can. Talk about how you can make each other feel. Proper communication and empathy can go along way into making a relationship better.
33. Cognitive-behavioral therapy
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) may help an individual challenge negative thought and start engaging in more independent behaviors.
34. Psychodynamic therapy
Psychodynamic therapy is beneficial for treating dependent personality. A psychodynamic therapist works to explore the root of the dependency and the unconscious processes that perpetuate it. The therapist must make sure the person in therapy does not become dependent on them. The treatment goal is to foster independence, and treatment should make the individual feel more capable of caring for themselves.
Moving forward with Psychotherapy
Fortunately, Ahealo.com offers a global ePsychotherapy platform that allows clients to book an online anonymous private appointment with a broad skill range of psychotherapists at an affordable cost and desired schedule.
Alternatively, if you need to seek psychotherapy, be sure to check out web.ahealo.com. Ahealo is an online psychotherapy platform with a diverse range of psychotherapists for many different fields of mental challenges. Ahealo provides ePsychotherapy at an affordable price, confidential, convenient (through a web page 1-1 private video call), and at your comfortable schedule.
With these options, we believe your clinginess problems can be resolved soon.